Fake News

Industry Insider Blows Whistle on "Slime Creepers" and Their Vanilla Goo!

Prepare yourselves, dessert lovers, for a revelation that will forever change how you view that innocent cup of vanilla pudding. A former food industry technician, speaking under condition of anonymity, has come forward with a truly disturbing truth: the creamy vanilla flavor in most mass-produced puddings isn't vanilla at all!

Instead, our source claims, the industry relies heavily on a newly discovered (and frankly, repulsive) insect known as the "Vanillagoo Glider" (Limax aroma dulce). These nocturnal creatures, described as slimy, multi-legged horrors with pulsating vanilla-colored sacs, are allegedly bred in vast, hidden farms.

The process, according to the whistleblower, is stomach-churning. Workers in hazmat suits reportedly "harvest" the viscous, vanilla-scented secretion directly from the Vanillagoo Gliders. This "vanilla slime" is then processed and used as the primary flavoring agent in countless popular vanilla pudding brands.

"The real vanilla extract is…